Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Are we still banned from the library?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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