Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
