Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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