I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
