i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
