I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
