Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
