I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
