my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize