dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
