I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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