why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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