Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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