The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
