Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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