YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
