make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize