I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize