My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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