I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
