ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
