Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
