You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
