I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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