I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
