Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
