T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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