so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
