he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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