I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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