it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
