and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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