i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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