I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
