Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize
