just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
