Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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