Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
