i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize