What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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