Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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