So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
