"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
