Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Randomize
