My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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