i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
