Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
