tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
