guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Still dying that you shit outside
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize