you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
