His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
In other news, I just burned my penis
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
