Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize