we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
How's work?
Spinning.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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