all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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