Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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