Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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