You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
