I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
