I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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