Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
