the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Even my vagina gasped.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
