i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
