He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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