Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
