I got chris browned last night
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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