i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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