okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
