i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize