Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
