Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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