Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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