kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize