I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
