I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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