If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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