i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
