Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
