i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
