I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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