i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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