so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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