Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
don't judge my taste in strippers
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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