I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
