ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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