tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
