Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
