My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
