margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
