oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize