You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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