my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
